Monday, August 12th, 2024
Things moved really fast after I got my official diagnosis and I was looking at a week that held A LOT of things I didn’t really want to do. On this day I had Genetic Counseling. What is that you ask? Well, if you get diagnosed with cancer you are offered the opportunity to have your genetics checked to see if you are genetically predisposed to getting the cancer you have or other cancers in the future. The way they do this is by taking a sample of your blood and doing science-y things to it to figure out what the dealio is. (See? I’m really smart.) The counselor explained all of this to me before she sent me in to get my blood drawn and I would see her again to go over the results.
I was unable to find someone to watch the boys for me so I had to take them with me to my appointment. I was so impressed with how well they handled it. Just happy little boys going with their mom to a cancer appointment. They were very interested in the fact that I was going to be poked with a needle and blood was going to be syphoned from my body. I explained to the boys that the doctors need to look at my blood because my blood has information in it that can help them figure out why I got cancer (or at least some of the reason I got cancer). They were pumped to watch and watch they did. The phlebotomist was cool. She had no problem fielding 4 year old questions and I really appreciated her chillness.
After the appointment I rewarded myself for doing something I didn’t want to do with brunch with my boys at Pancake Alley! We had a great time together. I love being with them but their presence was especially welcomed while I was feeling so raw about everything. They are so IN the moment that it took my mind off of things and felt like salve to my wounds to just be in the moment with them. I can’t remember what we talked about but I know we talked, and I was warm and fuzzy inside about it.
There were a lot of uneasy feelings during this day. The uneasy feelings were kind of like the feelings I get when I’m waiting in line to ride on a big roller coaster. I was not ON the cancer treatment ride yet, I was waiting in line. I was waiting in line and I was scared with the anticipation of what I was going to experience. I would learn that sometimes I’d be more scared than other times but I’d always be just a little bit scared. I don’t normally ride roller coasters or scary rides (like a sane person, I try to avoid them) but I will ride one if my children want me to go with them. I will ride the ride if I have to. This was a ride I was going to have to ride and I was choosing to ride it for myself and for my family. I hate waiting in line for something I’m scared of.
In the following days I would be planning my cancer treatment process by meeting an oncologist AND an oncology surgeon AND a radiologist AND a plastic surgeon. I was going to have to make decisions about my body and treatment that felt forced upon me. I was going to hear words and sentences I’d never heard before and attempt to understand them. I was going to have to tell other people that I had breast cancer. This week was the beginning of me being a cancer patient, this was the week where things got real.