One of the challenges we faced after my first chemo infusions was fall break. I had my first infusion October 9 and fall break was October 11-20. I was so scared of how I was going to be feeling during that time period. I was hopeful that I would be able to be a caretaker for the kids while Chris was working down in the basement, but I couldn’t assume that I would. We made a plan for Chris to just try to work as much as I could manage the kids.
I don’t know if it was the oxycodone or if I was awakening to the magic of every day, but I remember that we more than made it through, we had peace in our home.
Now let’s hear from past Emilie 6 days post Chemo and being the primary caregiver for part of the day.
I was living in a level of gratitude that I hadn’t lived in before. Good is so much gooder when you’ve recently emerged from one of the worst times of your life and there are many more ahead of you. I was feeling the contrast between suffering and then not suffering as much. I know I wasn’t at my best, I was probably at 50% but that 50% felt so good. I was grateful to be able to breathe in the autumn air and watch the leaves change to a vibrant yellow, shivering in the wind causing them to look like sequins on a ball gown. I remember being stunned at the beauty of the blue sky and its contrast behind the yellow sequin leaves. I was so much more aware of the magic of that fall day.
I felt good enough to take a small walk around the block and the kids came with me. On that walk I basked in the wonderfulness of each of my kids. I was so aware of how unique and precious each one is. I was feeling the kinds of feelings that make you warm from your heart to your cheeks.
It didn’t matter that I wasn’t feeling my best. I could still live my best life, while I was suffering. Prior to this day I knew in theory that cancer couldn’t take away the wonders of my life, but I was watching it happen before my eyes. That theory was being tested and becoming fact.