This poem (?) is posted in my oncologist’s treatment room, at least the one that I always go into, it may be in every room. I was in this room many times before and I had probably read this poem a couple of times. This particular day was different because chemo was a reality now, not a thing that is going to happen to me. It was happening! I looked at this poem and its words touched me in a way it never had before. I could agree with it now, not just hope it was true. I took this picture to remember that cancer is just cancer. Cancer had taken a lot of things from me by this point. It felt like its fingers were touching every part of my life and I could not escape from the carnage. My breast had been taken and replaced with a bad boob job (more on that later), I couldn’t be the kind of parent I wanted to be because I was so sick all the time, I was experiencing crippling pain, I was about to lose my hair, and my 40th birthday was going to be ruined by cancer. Cancer was stealing a lot in my life and I was feeling that loss hard on this day. When I looked up and read this poem, it struck me again that cancer has no power over the truly important things in my life.
If the image is hard to see, here is the poem.
What Cancer Cannot Do
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendships
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit.
Here’s what it meant to me as I read each line:
IT CANNOT CRIPPLE LOVE
Since my diagnosis I had been feeling the love of others and my self-love so much stronger. In my case, cancer magnified love.
IT CANNOT SHATTER HOPE
Hope is a beautiful feeling and usually felt when things are not going exactly right. There is no need for hope when everything is perfect. It’s a feeling that comes when we are facing something that we don’t know we can make it through. Cancer in fact caused me to hope.
IT CANNOT CORRODE FAITH
My faith was not weakening, it was bulking up! This cancer was actually allowing me to strengthen my faith. My faith in myself and what I am able to overcome, faith that the people who love me will help me shoulder the burden, faith that times would be hard but then they wouldn’t be. My faith was doing reps at the gym of life.
IT CANNOT DESTROY PEACE
Cancer can disrupt the peace but it can’t destroy it. Peace was becoming something I was practicing, in my broken way. It was becoming a part of my nervous system and transforming the way I engaged with life. Once again, cancer strengthened my peace by allowing me to choose it when life was in turmoil.
IT CANNOT KILL FRIENDSHIP
Oh boy is this true! Cancer brought my friend group came alive in the mission to make sure that me and my family were taken care of. If anything, cancer brought into sharper image my friendships.
IT CANNOT SUPPRESS MEMORIES
The memories I lived in while in bed sick with cancer treatments, the cringe and the magical, were a gift to me. I was able to reflect on my life in a new way, through the eyes of pure gratitude. Every memory was a thread in the tapestry of my life. Cancer caused me to remember that I’d been through bad times before and I can get through this one.
IT CANNOT SILENCE COURAGE
My courage was not loud and boisterous. My courage was quiet and cracked jokes when she could, but she was not silenced by cancer, she was emboldened by cancer.
IT CANNOT INVADE THE SOUL
There are a lot of things that can invade the soul, cancer is not one of them. I was still in charge of the health of my soul and I felt her thriving within me.
IT CANNOT STEAL ETERNAL LIFE
This one didn’t really resonate, but that’s okay!
IT CANNOT CONQUER THE SPIRIT
At this point in my life, I had come to realize that my spirit was indestructible. Cancer was just another opportunity to see just how indestructible my spirit really was. Nothing will conquer my spirit. Nothing.
This poem allowed me to think about what has been lost because of cancer in the light of what cannot be lost. This poem helped me to see a little bit past the pain of loss and to the indestructibleness of love, hope, peace, friendship, memories, courage, soul, life, and spirit.
I’m sure I’m not the first and I’m not the last person to be impacted by that poem, but it’s a personal impact that I want to remember.