I never really thought about how much needs to be done prior to things like surgery, especially surgeries that require a lot of recovery time. The surgery was just the beginning of the whole terrible process. So I focused on doing things that were in my control.
One of my most time consuming responsibilities is to make sure that my daughter’s hair is in order. It’s a big deal because both of my daughters are biracial and have vastly different but both very curly hair. After my surgery I would not be able to do their hair because my arms had to stay at my side and couldn’t go higher than a 45 degree angle for SIX WEEKS. There was just no way I could keep up with their hair while I was recovering. I felt so out of control that I knew the only thing that would make me feel like I was in control of something was to get their hair braided! Eliza has had her hair braided before so she knew what she was in store for, but Jojo had never gotten her hair braided and didn’t REALLY understand how long she was going to have to sit in that chair and how still she was going to need to be. Both of those things are not Jojo’s strengths, she is autistic and ADHD so I knew this was going to be a huge ask from her.
I found the most wonderful African woman who braid hair for a living. The shop she owns is alive with children, laughter, and French/English hybrid conversation. It’s exactly the kind of place I want to bring my daughters to. Hija, the owner and Jojo’s hair braider, was so patient and kind with Jojo and produced this amazing look for her!
Now hair braiding takes a very long time so I had some hours to kill. Naturally I went out and got a margarita with my friend, Emily (yes we have the same name. It is my belief that if you are a woman and were born anytime in the 80s there is a 50% chance that your name will be Emily/Emilie/Emilee). It was a large marg and I liked it. I was so tired. You can see it in my face. Regardless of how tired I was I wanted to be with my friend and that was something that I could control. She sat patiently listening to me talk through all the things that were rolling around in my head. Emily is wonderful, you’re going to hear more about her. She held my hand as I walked this path.
Did I ever tell you that I’m the luckiest girl in the world? Sure I got cancer and had to have my breast amputated, but that’s nothing compared to the luck of having a friend that will leaver her own family and fly out to take care of you and your family while you recover from major surgery. The earth angles name is Rebecca and as soon as she learned I had breast cancer she texted me and asked when she could come to help. I immediately said “Please come for my surgery and recovery!” She was one of those pieces that just fell into place and allowed me not to worry about how the kids, Chris, and me in recovery were going to coexist. I didn’t have to figure that out because I knew Rebecca could take care of all of it. I knew she was come through my front door and everything would be taken care of, even the things that I didn’t think of. She arrived September 3rd, two days before the surgery and magically made everything better. Her presence alone gave me so much peace about the surgery, knowing the ones I love would be perfectly cared for. Rebecca is one of the most interesting people I have ever met. I could write for hours about how accomplished and talented she is in her life, how rich she is in her experiences, and how gorgeous and generous her family is, but I’d remiss if I didn’t document how FUNNY she is! We laugh so hard when were are together, it’s our favorite thing to do, that and getting wine drunk and high together. She’s a real treasure to my heart, soul, and life. She may have been coming for a bummer reason, but being with her was essential to my healing. I will be sharing more stories about Rebecca and you’ll laugh.
The night before surgery day I wanted to go out to eat and make a memory. (Making memories had become one of my foremost intentions after my diagnosis.) We went to the Stanley Market Place and ate good food, drank good drinks, and played. (Playing: it’s become my favorite thing to do and I’ve discovered that playing makes the very best memories.) Jojo wore her pikachu costume and I really feel like it enhanced the playfulness of the evening. She doesn’t like pictures so this was as good as I could get.
Life is “both/and” and this evening was no exception. I was in heaven with the people I love most in this world but I was also just so sad and, honestly, really nervous. I was so nervous. There were just so many known unknowns, you know that I mean? I knew that this was a season of treatments but I had no idea what that would look like in my life. Past Emilie was so clueless about how she was going to make it through. The feeling kind of reminds of the night before I left for college. I had prepared and planned and strategized for that transition in my life but I still had NO IDEA what I was getting into. I knew there was no way I could even visualize what my life would be like in college and the same went for cancer treatments. I knew it was going to be hard but I had no idea to what extent. Now that I’m thinking about it, it really was almost the exact feeling but instead of anxious AND excited energy it was just anxious energy. Cancer treatment was a life changing transitions and probably the first real solo transition that I’ve had since my transition to college.
Every other transition I had Chris with me. We got married young at 21. Sure Chris was with me throughout this process, but it’s not changing him the same way it’s changing me. We were transitioning to married life together or transitioning to parenthood together or buying a house together. We became a spouse together, a parent together, and homeowners together, we carried the same name. Chris can’t carry the name of a cancer patient or cancer survivor, those names would only be mine in this transition. That made me feel lonely.
So I guess you could boil it down to, the night before my surgery felt like the night before I left for college. The next morning would be the beginning of new life. I was right to feel that way, now I realized that it was the beginning of a new life, I just didn’t on that night.
Here’s some pictures. Enjoy!
